Crochet V. Knitting,

    "Great," he said, "Where's the yarn? I know you have yarn."

    "No, you don't get off that easily," I told Jeremy. "I'm taking you to the mega-monster-super-duper-craft-store and you're going to have to pick out your own yarn. I'm even going to have one of the kids video this."

    He looked undaunted.  "Can we go today?"

    "No, maybe tomorrow."

      Tomorrow came and nearly went by the time we were sitting at the restaurant waiting for dinner. Positioned opposite Ruthie and me in the booth with Joshua and Hannah flanked on either side, Jeremy decided to pass the time by explaining our challenge. "So your mother is going to play LOTRO, and I'm going to learn to crochet."  

      Joshua's expression looked as if he'd eaten something extremely sour. He started to laugh. "Seriously? No. Really. Seriously?" His precious foundling manhood seemed threatened by the idea.

    "Yeah, sure, why not?" Jeremy said, firmly secure in his own masculinity, that, or he's pretty sure I'm going to back down out of the challenge and he'll get out of learning to crochet.

    "Um, Okaaaaaaaaaay," Joshua said dubiously. He infused those words with a wealth of meaning in the way only a teenager can do.

    "So Mama is going to be an Elf hunter with bows and arrows," Jeremy continued as if his monologue remained uninterrupted.

    "Oh Oh OH!" Joshua exclaimed in the way he does when he has a revelation or something he desperately needs to share. At least he doesn't raise his hand anymore like Horshack from Welcome Back, Kotter. "You should be a..."

  I cut off his well-meaning advice. "Do you want to learn to crochet?"  He sucked in his breath and scrunched up his face, biting his lips to keep from saying another word.  "Because if you want to be allowed to give me advice, you have to learn how to crochet as well."  Josh shook his head, let out his breath and said,  "Nope. That's ok."

    At that point, Jeremy looked back at me from across the table. "So, uh, what exactly is crochet?"

    "You use a hook and draw it through loops."

    "A HOOK!?" His eyes widened with whatever he was imagining. Honestly, the man just watched me crochet an entire afghan this winter. I'd have thought he was paying better attention. I don't know why I continue to deceive myself in believing my husband is observant.

    "So uh, what's the difference between knitting and crochet?" Jeremy asked.

    "Crochet uses one needle, a hook, and knitting uses two."

    "Two needles?" He asked.

    "Yes, two needles."

    "So, uh, what am I going to be making?"

    "A scarf."

    "A SCARF!?!? I thought I could start out with something easy."

    "A scarf is easy."

    Ruthie piped up, "You could show him how to make a washcloth."

    "Yeah, a washcloth. I could make a washcloth."

    "You're not getting off that easy. You're making a scarf, " I said. "And besides, I usually use the dishcloth pattern to teach basic knitting.  Would you rather knit? You can do a dishcloth if you knit."

    "Which is easier?"

    "Well, it depends on who you ask," I said. "Some will say knitting, and some will say crochet. I find crochet easier than knitting, but I learned it first, and I've been doing it longer than knitting. And some have more trouble working two needles than one hook."

    "Does this require a lot of dexterity?" Jeremy narrowed his eyes as he looked at me, sensing a trap.

    "A little, but hey, if Hannah can knit, you can crochet."

    "Daddy has dexterity," Ruthie championed his cause. "Wait. What does dexterity mean? Like hand-eye coordination? Daddy has lots of that." Joshua, shaking from holding back laughter, began to shake his head no. "Yes he does!" Ruth insisted.

    "Actually no I don't," Jeremy said. "And dexterity, in this case, means good or skilled with your hands."

    "And if you look at Daddy's handwriting," I chimed in, "You'll know he doesn't have too much dexterity." I looked back at Jeremy, "But as I said before, if Hannah can knit, he can learn to crochet. After all, he has more dexterity than a seven year old, one would hope."

    "I think I'll crochet. So uh, after dinner, can we go to the mega-monster-super-duper-craft store and pick up my yarn?"

    "I think it will be closed by the time we're done dinner. But I don't think we have anything going on tomorrow night."

    "Excellent. And then you get to start your character."

Yippee.