Busted!

    The ultimatum seemed like a good idea at the time. Oh sure, the blog languished, and I didn't have any fodder to write about, but I also didn't have to play Lord of the Rings Online. As long as the crochet hook wasn't working any loops into any scarf, I didn't have to think about Nimrodel, or Peg Buckwheat, or anything remotely relating to a quest.  Well, I exaggerate, a bit. My menfolk are always talking about Lord of the Rings. But as long as the scarf wasn't growing, I had license to tune them out.  

     Last night I was in my happy space, tapping away at the laptop's keyboard, when our daughter, Ruth chirped, "What are you doing, Daddy? Are you going to crochet?"  My ears perked up at the last question, and I looked over the laptop screen to see Jeremy wandering around yarn in hand.  He opened my silver needle box and started rummaging.

     "The gold hook, right?"

     "Yes," I said, warily. "Planning to crochet a few more rows?"

     "Yup. You know, you could quest on the laptop while I sit here and crochet."

     "That's ok. You get your ten rows, and then I'll show you how to double crochet, and then I'll quest. Maybe tomorrow."

     We sat in companionable silence, Jeremy asking me a question here and there while I surfed.  After a bit, he said, "Ok, show me double crochet."

     "Give me the scarf."

     "No!" Holding the scarf out of reach, he added, "You can just tell me."

     I'm more of a demonstrating kind of instructor, but I decided if he was going to sit there looking like a toddler playing keep-away with his favorite toy, I'd just have to see if I could talk him through the steps.  I let out a big sigh and said, "Chain three. This is your first stitch. Unlike single crochet, where the chain one helps you turn your work.  Now, you'll skip the first stitch of the last row, because you've made this chain 3."

     "Got it."

      I continued to walk him through the double crochet, secretly impressed at how much faster Jeremy was picking it up this time.  He wasn't all thumbs, and after a bit, he even had a rhythm going.  Assured Jeremy was doing well enough on his own, I turned back to the laptop and continued reading wikipedia, the site my latest meanderings had led me.

     "Ok, that's it. I'm done that row. It's your turn."

     "No, you have to do another row of double crochet," I said glancing at him.
     "No, wait. That's not what you said last time. You're changing the rules," Jeremy protested.

     "I am not."

     "Are too."

      "Not."

      "Too," He said with extra emphasis.  "Last time you said, 'Ten rows, and a row of double crochet' before you'd play LOTRO again.  So I finished my ten rows of single crochet, and now I've completed a row of double crochet, so I'm done for tonight."

     "You have to at least do one more row of double. The last stitch can be tricky because you're putting your hook through the chain three of the previous row," I argued, hoping to buy more time.  Dang, this man is getting faster and better at this crochet stuff. A row doesn't buy me as much time as it used to. 

     "Ok," He said, "That makes sense. But I still say you're cheating and changing the rules." Again, we both became silent as he continued to crochet, the tap tap tapping of my fingers running rapidly across the keyboard being the only sound.  

     Jeremy broke the silence. "I crocheted for 40 minutes. Now you owe me 40 minutes of LOTRO," he announced.

     "That was NOT 40 minutes of crochet."

     "Was too."

     "Was not."

     "Was too."

     "Was not."

     "Was too. I came down here at eight o'clock and started crocheting. It's now eight-forty.  That's forty minutes of LOTRO you owe me."

      "No, you started looking for your hook at eight o'clock. You did not sit down and start at eight o'clock," I said, desperation lacing my voice. If I could bargain away five minutes, even ten, I would have rejoiced.  Jeremy just looked at me like a recalcitrant child. I stared back, making my eyes wider, pleading.  I smiled weakly. After all, this expression sometimes worked for our girls. "Not forty minutes," I said weakly, pleadingly. "How about thirty minutes? Or even twenty minutes?"

     "Forty minutes," He said decisively. "And if you do it now, you can get it over with."

     Puffing out my breath, I said, "Ok. Fine. But you know, you could bring that with you and get a few more rows completed while I quest" I pushed up from the kitchen table, scooting my chair back, and stood up.  Jeremy stood at the same time, and we started walking towards the stairs.

      We were half-way across the living room when someone knocked on the door.   Without thinking about what was in his hands, Jeremy answered the door. Much to his chagrin, our friend and his daughter were standing on our front porch.  Now, it's one thing to announce to the world wide web my husband has taken up crochet.  It's another thing for said husband to have a fellow male member of the species catch him in the actual act.  About a thousand expressions blinked across Jeremy's face in the span of a nanosecond, ranging from horror to mild embarrassment to resignation. 

 

     "Oh man," Jeremy said looking down at the yarn in his hand, "You caught me." His expression sheepish, he held up his scarf. "As you can see, I'm crocheting."

     Our friend raised his eyebrows and said, "I see."

      I asked the friend, "Didn't your wife tell you about our challenge?"

      "Uh, no." He said.

      "You see," I continued, pointing at Jeremy, "He wanted me to play his stupid computer game. And I said, ''Ok, fine. I'll play your stupid computer game if you earn to crochet' not thinking he'd actually do it. I really thought that would deter him from pestering me into playing. Obviously I was wrong."

      "Obviously," our friend said. After a brief awkward moment, he said, "I hope you didn't tell my wife about this."

     "Oh she already knew about it. I'm surprised she didn't show you the blog," I replied.

     "Good. Then she's smart enough not to get any ideas," He said. And then as if in an afterthought, maybe in attempt to make Jeremy feel better, "Though I did spin wool once."

     "You did, huh?" I said.

     "Yup. I spun lumpy bumpy wool once, to make her happy. Beginners Yarn."

      Jeremy nodded in acknowledgment of the 'to make her happy' part of that statement.

      "And hey," our friend continued. "It's good to take interest in each other's hobbies and such."

     "If you could call it that," I said.

     "Yeah, well. Hey. It is what it is." And with that profound statement, our friend called his daughter who was running around with Ruth.  "I was just dropping off these for the wife." He said, handing me a couple of bags. "It was good seeing you. Good luck with. that." He pointed to Jeremy's crochet. "Maybe if you're lucky, Melanie, you'll get a scarf for a Christmas present."

     We waved good-bye, and walked into the house.  Setting the yarn down, Jeremy looked at me with bright, wide, revenge seeking, eyes.  "Well," he said clapping his hands together and rubbing them. "Now you really have to quest tonight."

     "Forty minutes?" I said as I climbed up the stairs.

     "Yup. Forty minutes." He said, mercilessly.

     I can only be glad he didn't add a humiliation penalty into the playing time equation.

(stay tuned for the next post: Piggies, Spiders, and Wolves, OH MY!)