Still only three rows of crochet

     I know it's been a long nine-day stretch between posts, but someone, *cough* *cough* who shall remain nameless, hasn't lived up to his end of the bargain.  I even completed more quests.  That's it, I'm not moving forward one more level, til I see at least five or six more rows of crochet.

     In the meantime, I'll leave our loyal followers with the long-awaited footage of Jeremy getting his first lesson in crochet.  Ruthie filmed with her point and shoot camera on video setting, which wasn't such a great idea.  I should have handed her the regular video camera.  The mic didn't pick up our voices well at all, which was pretty much all of humor value, and the film was dark and grainy.

      How do you take bad footage with a corrupted soundtrack and make it, eh, at least a little more interesting than staring at your pet rock? Add too many video effects with your amateur video editor, throw in some text that kind of sort of mimics the dialogue, and use a rag time music track.

Enjoy!

This is the game that never ends...yes, it goes on and on my friends...

     I've been avoiding and procrastinating, putting off, and making excuses, anything to avoid another quest.

     "Maybe I should change the requirements," Jeremy said. "Maybe I should let you just get to level five."
     "Oh no," I answered. "You still have to make a whole scarf, and I haven't seen you crochet more than those first three rows."
     "That's because I can't find my hook."
     "Gee, that's convenient."

     We've been on stay-cation this week, a perfect opportunity for both of us to 'catch-up' on our challenge, neither one of us wanting to follow through.  I'm still uncertain, but I have a small suspicion that Jeremy was trying to not-so-subtly hint that I needed to do another quest.  He suggested "We" watch all three Lord of The Rings movies this week.  Humoring him, and deciding I might as well get the pain over with, I finally told him last night that, sigh, "Ok, I guess I'll do another quest."

     Loading up the game, Jeremy said to me, "Ok babe, here's your hot guy" as I selected my character from the list.  I looked at Shammel, looked at him, and looked at Shammel again.
     "Maybe you should grow your hair out," I said.
     "And maybe I should get a green tunic and some tights," he replied dryly.
     The mental image amused me so much, I burst out in a near hysterical fit of laughter.   "Ok, Ok," I said catching my breath and wiping the tears from my eyes, "Maybe that's not such a good idea."

     I entered Middle Earth with great apprehension, having forgotten everything I almost-kinda-sorta knew about how to move around and do things in the game. Jeremy began explaining my console to me. "And if you look up here and see the arrow, it will point you to where the next quest is."
     "OH!" I exclaimed. "It's kind of like the 'You Are Here' on the mall directory. I can never find my way using one of those either."
     Ignoring me, Jeremy continued. "Press I for inventory. And click on this. You can put on this and that and the other thing, if you have them. Now press this, and click on that. Type in your last name, and give over your first born child, and you can use this weapon which really doesnt do a whole lot. You'll get better stuff as you finish quests and level up."
     "Oooh kaaay." My head was swimming with too much information. Knowing he'd walk me through it all again, I feigned understanding. So, I clicked on one fellow with a ring over his head, followed his instructions, which was to find Guy Number Two with a ring on his head.

  Games driven by arrow keys are the bane of my existence. I used the compass looking thingy on the upper right hand of the console and walked drunkenly towards my next objective.
     "Um, Melanie," Jeremy said. "You're going in the wrong direction."
     "OH!" I said, and swerved Shammel violently in the opposite direction.  Running into objects, swerving left and right, and tilting the 'view' all over the place, I finally found Guy Number Two who told me I was now looking for Guy Number Three. Are you kidding me? Sighing, I blew my hair out of my eyes, and looked at Jeremy, who was oblivious to my annoyance. 
     "See! You finished two 'quests' that wasn't so bad, now was it? And LOOK! You've leveled up!" He said in an encouraging tone usually reserved for kindergartners who avoided eating the paste.
     "Yay." I answered in a flat voice.  Walking Shammel up some stairs and into a building, I found Guy Number Three, who told me to go back and talk yet again to guy number two. "WHAT?!" I said incredulous, "I was just talking to Guy Number Two! Now I have to go back?!?"  At least, Guy Number Two had some 'training' for me to do. Oh, and I picked up some "Thread bare" clothing, a cloak, a shirt, and some gloves.  Somehow these thread bare items provide armor. Um, right.
     "No, Really, they do" Jeremy said, reading my facial expression. "Click here and here. See," he pointed to yet another box that came up on the edge of the screen, "What you were wearing provides an armor of 2. This new item gives you an armor of 12." I just stared at him for a moment, and then took Shammel on his way back to Guy Number Two.  Poor Shammel still hadn't gotten his land legs back.

    "You need to train blah blah blah," Guy Number Two said.
     "What does that mean?" I asked Jeremy
     "You're just going to take your bow, and walk over to those targets."
I didn't see any targets.
     "Those targets."
I still didn't see any targets.
     "Those, right there." Taking over the key pad for a moment, he steered Shammel over to the targets.
     "OH those targets."  Seeing four burlap covered man-shaped torsos, I armed my character with my bow, clicked on a target and shot.
     "That's it," Jeremy said. "You've completed your training, now you've got the super-duper-swift arrows."
     "I don't have to hit all four targets?" I said, confused. What kind of training is this anyway?
     "Nope. Now you have to go back and talk to Guy Number Two."
I walked over to Guy Number Two, who then told me Guy Number Four had important information for me.
     "OMGoodness!" I exclaimed. "This game NEVER ENDS! How do I get out of here?"
     "Just do this last thing, and then we'll exit, ok?"
     I don't even remember what "that last thing" was, to be honest. It's all a blur, probably Shammel talking to Guy Number Four who then said go back to Guy Number Three and have a beer with Guy Number Two, oh sorry I probably should have said ALE, and then...  Well, ok, so maybe not quite like that, but it was close.

     Wanting to exit out of the game, I looked at Jeremy and said, "No wonder you get trapped. Not that I like it any better, or make any excuses because it still is just a game. But I can see why you get trapped. Why on earth would they make a game that just goes on...and on...and on..."
     "Yes but look," He interrupted my monologue. "You've made it to level three. See, it really wasn't that hard. Now was it?"

No. But it was painful. Really really painful.

Whose bright idea was this anyway?

     Feeling a great deal sheepish after making my character, I closed out the game, looked at Jeremy and said, "Well. That's it for now. I think I'll do my first quest another time."
     "Ok," He said. "Though you could just get it over with now."
     "Noooo. That's ok. I'm good."
     "Com'mon, it won't be so bad. The first quest is like the tutorial for the game," He lied. "It kind of walks you through what you have to do."
    I sighed, knowing I probably should just do the first quest. I anticipated this moment about as much as I look forward to a ripping a band-aid off a wound and pulling off half my leg hair along with it.  "Fine," I said loading the game back up.  "Now what?"
      "See these people with a ring over their head? You want to talk to them. They have the quests you need to accomplish"  Clumsily using the keys to maneuver Shammel, I made him wander over to the person with the 'ring' over her head and stood there waiting for something to happen. Jeremy said nothing while the characters moved and swayed on the screen.  Ok, I thought to myself, I guess he expects me to figure this out on my own. I typed into the chat screen, "Talk"  Nothing happened. So I tried, "Say Hello."  Still nothing.  Refusing to look at Jeremy, knowing, just knowing his eyes would be dancing with laughter, I clicked on the character.  Still nothing.
     "Try double clicking on her."
     "Ah, ok."

     I double-clicked on the hobbit, learned I was supposed to save three other hobbits, and in the meantime, kill lots of bad guys. Ok, maybe not lots. I think there were six, or maybe eight.  Either way, it felt like a lot.  The first bad guy rushed towards me, immediately attacking me. I sat helpless with my left hand fingers on the keyboard and the right poised over the mouse while Shammel's life began ebbing away with each blow from the villain.  I could see Shammel had a knife in his hand, but I had no clue what to do.  "Click on the bad guy to stab him with your knife," Jeremy said dryly.

    "OH!" clicking furiously, I managed to defeat the first bad guy.  I freed a hobbit, and took a deep breath.  This is the epitome of stress. Really, why do people like PLAYING these kinds of games. This is not escape. This is a different sort of hell, one where I'm destined to be stressed out in real life as well as in the virtual world!

    The next bad guy raced towards me, and I squealed. Yes. I did. I squealed, and started clicking even more rapidly than before.  After all, it worked to kill the first guy, so surely this was what I had to do.  Defeating three or four bad guys in such a manner, I was worn out. I wondered how my poor mouse was going to hold up if I had to click like a madwoman for every villain I chanced to encounter. This was only level one! The game was SURE to become increasingly more difficult!

    Having determined to let me "learn" the game on my own, Jeremy sat by my side relatively quiet, until he just couldn't take it any longer.  "Um, You're a hunter," He said.
    "Yeah, so?"
     "Why did you want to be a hunter?"
     "So I could have a bow and arrows."
     "So, use them, then you don't have to wait for the bad guy to practically be on top of you. You can shoot him from afar."  
     Shoot the bad guys from afar? That sounded pretty good. "How on earth do I get my bow?"
     "You click on this here." Jeremy selected an icon at the bottom of the screen, "And look. You're armed with your bow. Now, take aim and fire," He said as the next bad guys tried to blitz me.  I clicked a little less frantically, though feeling an equal amount of stress, using way too many arrows to kill low-level villains.  I really hope I have unlimited arrows, though somehow I doubt it. Managing to get the hobbits free, I found myself in a village, my first quest completed.  I laid my head on the office desk and took some deep cleansing breaths.

      "Great Job," Jeremy said enthusiastic. "That wasn't so bad, now was it? And look, you're already half-way to level two. See that? Would you like to do another quest?" I looked at him like he had grown two heads. "I guess I'll take that as a no. Well, see here," He persisted on with his chatter, "More people with rings, more quests. You've got a whole village to explore."
    Goodie,  I thought sarcastically, a whole village to explore.
    "Just let me know when you're ready to do another quest."
   How about never?

Later, I over-heard Jeremy recounting my first experience with his beloved online game.  "She's a hunter, and she's killing the bad-guys with a knife!" He started to laugh, shaking his head.  "A KNIFE!?" 

Go ahead and laugh, buddy. You've got a whole scarf yet to crochet. Just go ahead and laugh.